I would have to say that Say So all got started with a very strong push from the North Carolina Child Advocacy Institute (NCCAI), an organization in Raleigh concerned about young people. NCCAI felt that youth in foster care needed to be able to speak their minds -- they needed to have a "say so" in what was happening to them. Michelle, who works at NCCAI, called together a group of twelve youth and a lot of adult supporters to think about starting a Foster Youth Association in North Carolina. The youth and the adults were from across the state. Some young people were in foster care, some had been adopted, and some had aged out of the system.

Our first meeting, as I recall, was in Burlington, NC. Everyone was shy at first but once we got to know each other the ideas flew. Youth wanted to be able to make decisions about what was happening to them in foster care, they wanted to change some policies, and they wanted to educate people about the foster care system and what foster youth need. The adults listened to us and thought we had good things to say. They said they would help us get a group started.

We had a few more meetings and conference calls over the next few months; youth came and went, and of course, only the strong survive. (Hee, Hee.) At one meeting in Winston-Salem, we finally decided on a name - Say So - Strong Able Youth Speaking Out. In addition, we decided on the rules and regulations of the Board of Directors, divided the state into six regions, and even came up with the voting process.

Since we've formed, Say So has written the Governor a letter and made ourselves known among foster parents and supporters. We have gotten a lot of great reviews from youth who are or have been in care, and from adults who want to hear what we have to say. We are beginning to do community education and awareness workshops about foster youth. For example, Say So spoke at the Youth Days conference last summer and will again this year. A few months ago, two of our board members went to a foster youth leadership conference in Washington, D.C. and had a chance to speak with Hillary Clinton. (Now Hillary knows who we are!!) Say So also presented a workshop at the North Carolina Foster Parents Association Conference in November that went great.

Now every day Say So grows stronger and stronger. Youth-in-care are seeing that there are adults who want to hear what they have to say, and who believe what they think is important. We will be holding elections for the new Board of Directors this spring and we want everyone who is interested to become a part of Say So. It's time for the youth in foster care to be heard in North Carolina. We want a SAY SO!!

We were excited when our Independent Living (IL) Social Worker told us about the opportunity to attend a youth leadership conference in Washington, D.C. Of course, we would not want to pass up the chance to miss a few days of school and go on a small, very needed vacation. We didn't know what we were getting into.

The conference was called Destination: Future '98 Youth Leadership Conference and was sponsored by the National Resource Center (NRC). After much pleading and begging, our IL social worker Sherry McKinney, convinced our DSS agency to allow us to attend. So, on September 10, 1998 we began our long journey by car. We all were exhausted when we finally reached our destination, the National 4-H Campus in Chevy Chase, Maryland (a ten-minute drive from Washington) but we quickly found the energy to go exploring!

When we got to the conference there were hundreds of youth from across the country there, and they were all in foster care too. Everyone was talking and having a good time. Soon the keynote speaker walked in - Hillary Rodham Clinton. She talked about kids in foster care and even told us that her own mother grew up in a foster care-type situation when she was a teenager! We had never heard that before and thought it was great that Hillary knew a little about foster care and what it was like.

When Mrs. Clinton was done speaking and was leaving the podium, that was when Erica decided she wanted to talk to the First Lady! Erica just went right up to Mrs. Clinton and pulled her aside (we wouldn't suggest doing this again-the Secret Service agents weren't very happy) and introduced herself. Erica told Mrs. Clinton about Say So (Strong Able Youth Speaking Out) and how we were involved. The First Lady seemed very interested and asked Erica for her address to get more information about the group. We were impressed by Mrs. Clinton's concern and attention for foster teens' situations. We hope that she will follow-up, and if she doesn't, we'll call her!!

We soon discovered there were other reasons for attending this conference than just having fun. We were there to give our ideas on how to better the foster care system. We all divided into teams. Erica and her team addressed the issue of sibling (or child) visitation. Ricky and his team advocated for housing and financial assistance for Independent Living teens in foster care. On the final day of the conference, we presented our thoughts to a panel of federal officials. They were going to compile the information we gave them and present a report to Mrs. Clinton about changing the foster care system. So many youth were there that we are very hopeful for a positive outcome/change for the future.

While at the conference we also had loads of FUN! We met several other teenagers from other states and made many friends. Of course there was no way we would go to Washington without a day for sightseeing (which also helped us get school credit for the days missed). We went shopping at the world famous train station, Union Station. We really enjoyed the one night set aside to meet other people at the conference. That night a steel drum band performed a concert. Soon, a limbo contest formed. (Erica came in third place. You go girl!)

All in all this conference was a lot of fun but also a whole lot of hard work. We feel we were able to talk about what we felt was important in foster care and what needed to change. And we were able to meet other youth who are making changes in their states. Plus, it was nice to be able to explore our nation's capitol. We would recommend attending this conference to other and would love to go again next year. If it were not for our social worker, we would not have been able to go on this trip. Sherry, thank you. And thank you to all the wonderful people who made this trip possible.

Ricky M. is 17 years old, likes to play football and Playstation and hopes to play baseball this spring. He is on the wrestling team for Kings Mountain High School and is a professional wrestling fan. He is one of the two co-chairs of the Say So Board of Directors.

Erica B. will turn 18 on March 9^th. She likes to read, write, swim, go to church, and go out with her friends. She also works as a counselor for the YMCA. She is also a wrestling fan. Erica is Secretary for the Say So Board of Directors.

Melinda will be answering any questions about any issues you feel might be important. She has been in foster care on and off for 11 years and is now a mother of two. She feels she has enough life experience that she could be an authority on anything. Email her and she will respond to your questions as soon as she can!

Email Melinda at [email protected] and put Melinda in the subject line or write her at: Ask Melinda, c/o Say So, 411 Andrews Road Ste. 230, Durham, NC 27705